Once Upon a Time I Figured Out How to Succeed in Theatre Without Really Trying

This post isn't about theatre. Except at the end. So it's been a year. What reminded me that I hadn't posted anything in a while was that I had another successful pi day, but then I realized that the last thing I wrote about was pi day so maybe a little catch up?

Highlight from each month since last March:

April: Had another awesome birthday with a beer fest in Breckenridge and a dinner with a couple of unexpected tequila shots that seemed like an okay idea at the time (it was my birthday!). Lesson learned: binging on chips/queso is not sufficient alone. Also the bearded man's ginger roommate and my glittery coworker found (and currently are still in) love. A good birthday all around.

May: All I can remember is that this month was super busy, but not because I was doing all sorts of cool and awesome things. SKIPPED.

June: We had a few more fires. Let's not talk about it. So over fires and natural disasters in general so here's to hoping 2014 is the year of no threatening disaster near where I live!

July: The month I had been waiting for my entire life. I LEFT THE COUNTRY! Work friend and I went to Paris for a few days over her birthday and apparently they love birthdays in Paris as much as we do because everyone celebrated and they even put on a fireworks show at the Eiffel Tower for us. People called it "Bastille Day" celebrations which means I also learned that Bastille is french for Work Friend. This may be the only new french word I learned because the rest of the time I would find myself trying to communicate in english with a bad french accent as though the other person would suddenly understand.
     "When does the next train come?"
     "..."
     "[cue bad accent] Ummm...le train? [point to watch]"
     "..."
Also the french men love work friend. They tell her that her dress is beautiful but mine, "eh, it is ok" and since France is supposed to be high on the fashion totem I was feeling pretty good about being "ok" by their standards. Then we went to England to visit old neighbor and then I had to be in a wedding in a castle. My life is hard. And fancy sometimes. I was also the tall white girl in the wedding party which I never thought would ever happen but Europe is just magical like that.

August: A dinosaur joint birthday party (TyDANoSARAHus Rex party) and football season started...or the season where the bearded man doesn't understand passion for a team because Colorado hasn't been good since the 90s. He does wear his Carolina shirt we bought so we do respect him for that. It must feel good to be able to cheer for a winning team!

September: Finally made it for a visit to Cool-umbia! Wonderful people, wonderful tailgaiting, and it was great to be home to watch a Gamecock victory. I will admit that I thought the bearded man would come back a full-on converted Gamecock fan...but he still wears the shirt so I'm trying not to hold it against him.

October: Sister and niece came for an impromptu weekend visit and it was the best thing ever and I continue to cement my status as coolest aunt because I know what 4 year olds like. Took the bearded man to Great American Beer Festival for his birthday present since I know what that man likes. It was a fun afternoon that ended with his parents driving down to be our DD...

November: We told them to fear the thumb. Then we squashed them with it. And there was much rejoicing.

December: Christmas with the fam is always entertaining...even before my dad pulls out the fart machine and my blind uncle starts sharing drunk wisdom.

January: We're #4! We're #4! And there was much rejoicing. All of the pow! All of the pow! And there was much rejoicing on the mountains.

February: Celebrated 10 years with my college BFFs at another college friend's wedding. My first visit to TX was not totally awful but I'm guessing that's because it was to Austin and not anywhere else.

And that brings us to March. I just finished in a play "The Adventures of Peter Rabbit and  His Friends" which was a lot of fun. Work friend did just bring to my attention however that I was credited in the program as a "Hair/Make Up Assistant" and she asked how did that happen. I was/am equally confused and amused since despite doing one girl's hair every night, the only other thing I can think of is the one time I tried to take over curling another girl's hair and it took 10min of wondering why each curl was less curly than the last for me to figure out that the iron wasn't even on. However those on the outside likely assume I was a useful assistant and for that I think I might have discovered How to Succeed in Theatre Without Really Trying.

Once Upon a Time There Were Thong Pants

I went home last weekend to VA to visit my family. A couple days before leaving I was texting with my mom and the conversation took a sudden weird turn. I posted this on facebook:



The blanked out part is the bearded man

She did try to explain, but I still wasn't exactly sure what she meant...and I was okay with that.



Then, alas, at home the mystery was solved. Those of you who don't know my father should know he is a precious 70yr old man who is as hilarious as he is oblivious at times. That being said, I present to you The Thong Pants.

My family's pretty special.

Once Upon a Time I'm Pretty Sure I Invented a DIY

First, a quick update on my chicken I recently cooked: I put most of it in the freezer then last night I wanted it for dinner. I somehow knew that there had to be a better way other than the microwave to heat it up (this chicken is my culinary baby so I wanted to treat it right until I ate it for good). So naturally I googled "how to heat up already cooked frozen chicken." Work friend gives me a hard time because I tend to google full sentences rather than keywords but I often google weird enough stuff that I feel I need to be extra specific to get better results. This particular search isn't a good example. Well I found one site that said to heat it up in a frying pan with broth/dressing/marinade. I looked in the bearded man's fridge and saw that the dressing they had said Great as a Marinade! right on the bottle so I went with it. I felt like a real cook making the decision on the fly to turn my lemon-pepper chicken into a new dish I called lemon-pepper chicken in a zesty italian dressing. In the end it turned out just fine and I ate it, although admittedly I did have my doubts for a few minutes:

I'm just glad neither the bearded man nor his
ginger roommate walked in to judge me or yell
at me for using the wrong spatula or something dumb.

I did all of this with only my left hand not just to prove I could but also because I broke my right wrist last weekend. While snowboarding at Breckenridge I finally decided it was time for me to spread my wings and grow up from the learning area. This video gives the general idea of what kind of riding I was doing. I'm far too humble to let anyone record me, but luckily Shaun White is not:

TTR Tricks- Shaun White Back to Back Double... by WorldSnowboardTour

 I thought it was just sore and I only needed to move it back and forth a lot then cautiously continued down. I quickly thought it might be badly sprained so made my way to the base then agreed to let someone look at it. At a glance the doc told me exactly what happened

Dr: that's broken. You fractured your distal radius...(medical speak above my level)

Me: you took the words right out of my mouth...I guess you've seen this before?

Dr: all the time. It's the most common snowboard injury.

Me: ...this must make me a real snowboarder now! ...can I have a beer while I wait to get taken for xrays?

I could never call myself a surfer in Hawaii so feeling like a real snowboarder (and not injuring myself on a green) made me forget for a bit that I managed to injure myself right after I finally got the hang of it and could start having more fun.

I got my cast a few days ago and the guy who did it is a Gamecock fan so I had fun talking to him. I told him that I plan to try doing half days on easy greens and he kept reassuring me they have plenty of fiberglass. I didn't know what exactly he meant by it but then learned (thanks to google) that fiber glass casts are the preferred method over the traditional plaster for various reasons. One big issue I quickly discovered however is that it snags clothes like crazy. So after a day of covering it with dish rags I came up with the idea of cutting the sleeve off an old pullover to keep on it. Voila! It just looks like I'm wearing one long sleeve and keep my elbow at 90 degrees (I did always love geometry)! Here's a before/after:

If I didn't have to enact a self-imposed ban on Pinterest this is surely better than a lot of other stuff on there. And it cost me free.99!

I'm hoping I'm only in the cast for 6 weeks but this whole learning to be left handed has not been awesome so far. It has also made me super aware of how unmarried I am. I'm not trying to get married soon, but it would be nice to have someone there every night and morning obligated to help with bras, and to wash my hair, etc.

Once Upon a Time I Survived My First Year

This is a couple weeks late but I did it. I made it my first year in Coldorado. How did I celebrate? I tried snowboarding! I bought a season pass and got a season gear rental so I knew I was going to force myself to go fall down a mountain at least 5 times this season so I could get my money's worth. (Because falling down a mountain is usually something people pay hundreds of dollars for). That, and I was really proud of how I bought all of my snowboarding clothes/things to keep me warm for less than $300. That's right. Thanks to Steep and Cheap and The Clymb and REI rewards cards I got quality stuff for way less than I anticipated! I should get paid for this.

I've been twice now to Keystone Resort and it has been...interesting. I have this pattern of getting really frustrated with myself in the morning and snapping at the boy handsome bearded man who is trying to teach me, then breaking for lunch and a beer, then having a more successful afternoon so I leave for the day feeling like I have a shot of actually being able to do this one day. Not to mention the bearded man has learned to keep a pocket full of treats (chocolate, gummy sharks and/or bears, etc.) to reward me when I do well or to comfort me when I suck. This weekend I am moving on from the magic carpet...although I will miss all of the adorable little kids learning how to ski/snowboard. They are seriously so cute, except for the one who seemed to always fly past me when I fell...I sensed he was judging me big time. Show off.

Oh - and I'm also proud to say that I attempted the chair lift last weekend and NAILED IT. I didn't fall getting off, and didn't chicken out and sit down on my board to slide down the little hill AND I didn't hit the people at the bottom (kind of like an obstacle course that I killed...in a good way). Afterwards I of course started double-fist pumping declaring myself champion of the beginner chair lift but the bearded man cut me off to be all "that's great, but you have to move out of the way of the person behind you." I just assumed he was jealous because of the attention I was getting from other people acknowledging my feat staring at me and it probably took him awhile to get the hang of chair lifts. They're tricky...especially if you haven't quite mastered the awkward glide with one foot strapped in...which I almost-ish have.

Ooh well it's my feeding time. I also learned some snowboarder phrases this weekend so maybe conversation tonight will lend itself to my using them because telling someone "I'm going to shred the gnar" and "slay some pow pow" will sound completely natural coming from me.

Once Upon a Time Daylight Savings Tricked Me...Twice.

Cell phones are great because they automatically update for you when you change time zones. $10 Bed Bath and Beyond clocks are not great because they don't do anything but confuse you when trying to set either one or both of the alarms and don't come with Scramble With Friends.

One morning after the recent time change I forgot to set my phone alarm (because I'm too stupid to figure out my clock alarm). I wake up, look at the clock and panic because I was supposed to be at work an hour ago. (I try really hard to only be late 30 min. max) While brushing my teeth in a frenzy, I glance at my phone to see it is in fact an hour earlier and I was only supposed to be at work 10 min ago (phew!). I forgot that I never changed my room clock for Daylight Savings.

Next morning I forgot to set my phone alarm. I wake up, look at the clock and smile because I can sleep a few more minutes and take my time getting ready. While brushing my teeth in a calm, relaxed manner I glance at my phone to see it is in fact an hour later and I am late again. I forgot that I had corrected my room clock after the previous panic.

DST: 2
Kayleigh: 0

When I get home I'm making a sign that says "this clock is correct." I just hope I remember to take it down after the next time change.

The only other exciting thing happening right now is that my snowboard clothes are in. When I tried on my jacket for a seasoned snowboarder so he can make sure the fit is right, he moved my arms in a flailing motion to make sure I had room to flail/fall since it will be happening. A lot. What a clever seasoned snowboarder.

Once Upon a Time I Was Reminded that I Don't Understand Fashion

Another fabulous girls weekend is in the books for me and the college BFFs. This year we went to California to visit the BFF who I lived with all 4 years of college then some until she got married. It was sad when she was moving out. It kind of felt like a break up as we were trying to figure out who actually owned what movies (we developed quite the collection) or who gets to take the needlepoint hanging we bought at Goodwill because we didn't really know how to decorate walls with nice stuff. And we told people my grandmother made it so they'd feel bad if they laughed at it. Ahhh memories.

Well we were going to hang in San Francisco one day. One stop on the docket was the mission district so the stylish NY friend could get her fill of hipsters. Stylish NY friend and photography friend were on top of their wardrobes and wore their skinny jeans and flats/boots (respectively). Since (I think) I know what's "on trend" after 6 months on the mainland, I decide to wear my skinny jeans too. I still don't own boots for them because I just don't think my feet/calves can handle it (that's a different story) but I figured my slippahs would work just fine.

We get out of the car in San Fran and I noticed something subtle, but different between my skinny jeans and the 2349834987 other people around wearing them. Mine didn't hug my leg all the way down. Starting around the knee, mine just sort of went straight down. I didn't want my BFFs to know that I was just realizing this (not to mention one BFFs 5mo baby was with us and I'm pretty sure I nailed my "cool aunt" first impression and didn't want to ruin that) so I played it off in conversation:

me: [...]yeah there was the time when I realized that what I thought was my obligatory pair of skinny jeans weren't actually skinny jeans....what do you call the jeans I'm wearing? I'm pretty sure it's boot cut.

stylish NY friend: those are straight leg.

me: yeah I wouldn't ever wear boots with these. How embarassing (note to self: NEVER admit to tucking these straight leg jeans into those cheap snow boots you bought that came to a weird, non-in-style height)

Needless to say I did not blend in with the hipsters, at all.

Now I have Googled "are straight leg jeans in style" and can't get a straight answer. (I love puns! Especially unintended ones! I went back and italicized it once I realized what I did there). All that comes up are ads for Chicos, JC Penneys, and some of those "cool mom" blogs where the mom is all "I refuse to wear mom jeans! I wear straight leg!" Apparently a lot of moms wear straight leg as an anti-mom jean movement but I ask you this:

If moms are all wearing straight leg, does that make straight leg jeans the new mom jean?! I kind of think so.

Ugghhh...my go to pair of jeans are mom jeans. Of course I discover this right after I was assured that it's ok to buy clothes with a Talbots label even though I'm only mid 20s and not a mom or married.

Once Upon a Time IT WAS WAR

**Disclaimer: I just reread this and am aware of all the run-on sentences, quick pace, etc. This is what happens when I choose Mountain Dew from the vending machine when I meant to get Dr Pepper and work neighbor won't give me money to buy another one. I know work neighbor is going to be all "but you didn't ask me for more money so it's not my fault and oh by the way you're really pretty" but some things work neighbor's should just know amiright?**

Have I mentioned that I have asthma?

Yeah, I think it was a Christmas present in Kindergarten or something like that. A close second best gift ever would probably be when I found out I was allergic to paint in 7th grade. Won't ever forget priming for 3-4 hours straight one day then waking up the next day (my birthday) with a swollen splotchy face and going to the doctor's office. Going to the doctor's office was extra worse because until probably my senior year of high school I went to a pediatrician's office. During those impressionable teen years I felt so uncool sitting in a clown room. When I got my physical for track (I know not even kidding...I was on the track team for a season..."unfortunately" I had 2 foot surgeries which ended my running career...this'll come full circle eventually) they realized I was due for tetanus and hepatitis B shots. (Hepatitis B is the one everyone's supposed to get and there are like 3 of them, right? If not, I'm afraid I might've just really embarrassed myself). Well I have a fear of needles (I'm the most cautious person using a safety pin) so of course I start crying when they're giving me the shots, and I walked out of the pediatricians office crying with two bandaids and a sticker. You might be shocked to hear that I was not a cool kid in high school.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, asthma. My asthma is mostly environmentally induced. It wasn't severe so not a huge deal to grow up with. As long as I had my emergency inhaler around I was fine. However especially after reading/watching Lord of the Flies and seeing what Piggy(?) had to go through "sucks to your ass-mar!" I took it upon myself to stand up for him and others who would be made fun of by abusing the condition if I wanted to sleep in a couple of mornings or if they expected me to do something crazy during track practice (sometimes, they wanted me to run a full 400m then do it again after only having a few seconds to catch my breath). When I moved to Hawai'i where the environment doesn't really change (other than allergies, etc) I stopped wheezing or showing any signs of asthma and stopped carrying inhalers altogether. I was free. I had "grown out" of it.

Or. So. I. Thought.

Fast Forward to my recent move to the Springs. I decide to be a big girl and go play pick up ultimate when it was only in the high 30s. I pulled on these things Under Armour makes called "long sleeves" and "tights" to help achieve a fashion statement known as "layering." I put on a hat meant to actually keep my head warm and gloves and was ready to go. Only 3 of us showed up so we went to grab a beer (kind of the same thing as exercising...actually, I'm not even going to try and stretch that). I went home and was already dressed so I grabbed my old ipod and looked for "running" music. I figure a mix of Ciara and Bone Thugz n Harmony will have to do (don't judge me. I went through a lot of phases in college) and set out to pick back up my lost running career. I barely make it a half mile before I'm gasping for air and decide that's progress enough for the day and go back home. 3 hours later I was still wheezing and texted all 7 (yes, I had 7 friends by this time) of my friends to see who had an inhaler.

Well the weather is getting nicer so the wheezing has subsided a bit, but when we have the overnight 50 degree drops in day-to-day temperature I feel like the Springs atmosphere is just laughing at me. Excuuuse me if I take a beautiful 80 degree weekend followed by 30 degrees and snowfall as a personal attack on my breathing. Finally someone pulled through and got their hands on a couple inhalers so I should be fine now. You'll have to try harder, Colorado Springs. You definitely aren't making a friend out of me this way.

Colorado Springs score: 3 (-1 for false hope of springtime)

Once Upon a Time I Got Sent Home

OK you're in luck. Something already happened to me. I'm not ashamed to admit publicly that I have to go home and change because I violate dress code. I didn't know they sold "inappropriate" pencil skirts (which is what I'm wearing at least for the next 15 minutes until I find a nice pair of pleated, tapered slacks). I guess this makes up for my lack of rebellion in high school. Can dress code violations be the new after school detentions?

I love old ladies, but not the ones who complain to HR about my inch above the knee professional skirt.

At least I can still wear "gauchos" and "skorts" (because they make a lot of knee-length skorts) as those are explicitly listed in the "acceptable" column. Phew.

At least we still have casual Fridays....for now.

Colorado Springs score: -1



***DISCLAIMER: If you work for the same organization as I do (specifically in HR) please know that I do respect the dress code and understand. This is just for a chuckle for those on the outside who know me and would think I'd get sent home for things like eating all of the M&Ms and raisins out of a community bowl of trail mix leaving only peanuts and a few pretzels instead...not inappropriate dress.