Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Once Upon a Time I Wasn't Losing a Spunky Old Lady--I Was Gaining a Grandmother

Some conversations between me and my new adopted grandmother:

Me: Do you have any grandchildren?

Spunky Old Lady (SOL): Yes, 5.

Me: Do you like any of them?

SOL: ...uh..ummm...well....why do you ask?

Me: I was thinking that if the position of "favorite grandchild" was available, you should adopt me!

SOL: Well...sure! I can have 6 grandkids.

Me: Great!


SOL Grandmother: You know, I wanted to tell you about my one son who once told the doctor he was my favorite.

Me: It's okay for you to already have a favorite child, I'm your favorite grandchild. Don't think I didn't notice yesterday when you avoided my question regarding liking any of your first 5 grandchildren...


Grandmother: I saw a picture of [coworker's] dog and said it was ugly. I meant as in "cute ugly"...phew...I cleverly recovered from that one...


Me: Grandmother! You finally found my desk!

Grandmother: Yes, I realized I didn't know where you sat. I confused you with that blonde upstairs. What do you do, anyway?

Me: Accounting...right now preparing monthly reports for managers--

Grandmother: Interesting....anyway, there are three boxes of Girl Scout cookies on [coworker's] desk. Do you want to just to grab a box or do you want me to go take one and bring it to you?

Me: Oh, I'll go take one...I have no problem stealing a box of cookies from [coworker's] desk.

Grandmother: and that's why you're my granddaughter.

I haven't had a grandmother since 6th grade! My actual grandmother was a fabulous lady whom I loved dearly but I think she'd be OK with this adoption. Especially since I was her favorite, too (sister and/or brother: let's agree to disagree on that statement). Grandmother is quite a spitfire and so I know she'll keep me on my toes which is good. Also grandmother's timing is perfect since my own mother will not send me a surprise case of Girl Scout cookies this year. I know it isn't secretly on its way because my mom cannot keep secrets so I would've known by now. Unlessssss...my dad was sending me a case of Girl Scout cookies! But if that was the "case" (ha - get it!) I wouldn't find out about it because he'd forget he sent them to me...if he remembered to send them at all. Not to mention I have his sweet tooth so he's actually probably eating my case of Girl Scout cookies knowing that I'll assume he forgot to send them and forgive him.

Well played, dad.

Colorado Springs score: 4 (+1 for grandmothers!)