Thursday, November 20, 2014

(Once Upon a Time ) Is Kayleigh a Liar?

Is Kayleigh a liar? Yes.

I created this post a few weeks ago to win an argument/prove a point on the Google. I kind of like that I could Google "Is Kayleigh a liar?" and it says yes. So I'm not taking it down. Instead, I'll expand.

Pretty simple, really. I like being right, but can admit when I'm wrong...but usually not after I try to use the internet to help me be right (the internet is the only thing I feel I can trust these days). I went through this phase where I would change a Wikipedia article almost daily for winning argument's sake. The key was to pick more obscure articles and change them and usually your updates would stay long enough to send the recipient the link with the message "read this ASAP or my hard work will have gone to waste!" It all started when I worked for a construction company and was emailing with one of the Project Managers I worked with: (paraphrasing from memory)

me: [something something about packing slips and their role with our documentation along with POs and Invoices]

him: [answers question about packing slips]'s not rocket science.

me: Oh really? [inserts link to "Rocket Science" Wikipedia page where there is a sentence about Rocket Science also referring to the study of packing slips] Knowledge is power.

him: You're ridiculous.

Okay, so I could've just explained that in narrative form as I clearly am unable to recall enough to warrant it presented as a conversation. I'll remember that next time. Now you have to have to register for a log in or something to change Wikipedia. Sometimes technology really gets on my nerves.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Once Upon a Time I Learned about Alcohol and Dogs

An old g-chat with a person.

Person: This puppy [...]
Me: I love him! Also, that reminds me of an old screen saver I used to have that I want to get back! Here's a youtube version:
P: that makes me want to clean my screen
Me: but the pug can do it for you!
P: no he's making it all gross and slobbery
Me: that's because he's not done yet...when you first spray windex it leaves a mess...but you keep at it and eventually it is gone and window is clean!
P: maybe if the dog salivated isopropyl
Me: maybe they already do; a dog's mouth is the cleanest; except it's called "dogsopropyl" and is very safe for animals; Also isopropyl is some fancy cleaning agent in windex, right?
P: no just a type of alcohol you use to clean stuff
Me: then we definitely shouldn't be giving that to dogs
P: right; it'd make them blind then dead
Me: although drunk Macy could be for drunk Lucy, I will not clean up her vomit.
Me: I guess dogs don't have a very high tolerance for alcohol.
Me: except for huntin' dogs that drink beer from mason jars...but they were probably started young. So the trick to stop your dog from going blind then dead is to start giving them alcohol at an early age.
I can only assume I never received a response from Person because I'm right.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Once Upon a Time I Figured Out How to Succeed in Theatre Without Really Trying

This post isn't about theatre. Except at the end. So it's been a year. What reminded me that I hadn't posted anything in a while was that I had another successful pi day, but then I realized that the last thing I wrote about was pi day so maybe a little catch up?

Highlight from each month since last March:

April: Had another awesome birthday with a beer fest in Breckenridge and a dinner with a couple of unexpected tequila shots that seemed like an okay idea at the time (it was my birthday!). Lesson learned: binging on chips/queso is not sufficient alone. Also the bearded man's ginger roommate and my glittery coworker found (and currently are still in) love. A good birthday all around.

May: All I can remember is that this month was super busy, but not because I was doing all sorts of cool and awesome things. SKIPPED.

June: We had a few more fires. Let's not talk about it. So over fires and natural disasters in general so here's to hoping 2014 is the year of no threatening disaster near where I live!

July: The month I had been waiting for my entire life. I LEFT THE COUNTRY! Work friend and I went to Paris for a few days over her birthday and apparently they love birthdays in Paris as much as we do because everyone celebrated and they even put on a fireworks show at the Eiffel Tower for us. People called it "Bastille Day" celebrations which means I also learned that Bastille is french for Work Friend. This may be the only new french word I learned because the rest of the time I would find myself trying to communicate in english with a bad french accent as though the other person would suddenly understand.
     "When does the next train come?"
     "[cue bad accent] Ummm...le train? [point to watch]"
Also the french men love work friend. They tell her that her dress is beautiful but mine, "eh, it is ok" and since France is supposed to be high on the fashion totem I was feeling pretty good about being "ok" by their standards. Then we went to England to visit old neighbor and then I had to be in a wedding in a castle. My life is hard. And fancy sometimes. I was also the tall white girl in the wedding party which I never thought would ever happen but Europe is just magical like that.

August: A dinosaur joint birthday party (TyDANoSARAHus Rex party) and football season started...or the season where the bearded man doesn't understand passion for a team because Colorado hasn't been good since the 90s. He does wear his Carolina shirt we bought so we do respect him for that. It must feel good to be able to cheer for a winning team!

September: Finally made it for a visit to Cool-umbia! Wonderful people, wonderful tailgaiting, and it was great to be home to watch a Gamecock victory. I will admit that I thought the bearded man would come back a full-on converted Gamecock fan...but he still wears the shirt so I'm trying not to hold it against him.

October: Sister and niece came for an impromptu weekend visit and it was the best thing ever and I continue to cement my status as coolest aunt because I know what 4 year olds like. Took the bearded man to Great American Beer Festival for his birthday present since I know what that man likes. It was a fun afternoon that ended with his parents driving down to be our DD...

November: We told them to fear the thumb. Then we squashed them with it. And there was much rejoicing.

December: Christmas with the fam is always entertaining...even before my dad pulls out the fart machine and my blind uncle starts sharing drunk wisdom.

January: We're #4! We're #4! And there was much rejoicing. All of the pow! All of the pow! And there was much rejoicing on the mountains.

February: Celebrated 10 years with my college BFFs at another college friend's wedding. My first visit to TX was not totally awful but I'm guessing that's because it was to Austin and not anywhere else.

And that brings us to March. I just finished in a play "The Adventures of Peter Rabbit and  His Friends" which was a lot of fun. Work friend did just bring to my attention however that I was credited in the program as a "Hair/Make Up Assistant" and she asked how did that happen. I was/am equally confused and amused since despite doing one girl's hair every night, the only other thing I can think of is the one time I tried to take over curling another girl's hair and it took 10min of wondering why each curl was less curly than the last for me to figure out that the iron wasn't even on. However those on the outside likely assume I was a useful assistant and for that I think I might have discovered How to Succeed in Theatre Without Really Trying.